What Is Compatibility?

A lot of Internet sites promote themselves by inundating the consumer with an overwhelming number of intake questions all designed to finding you their version of a "perfect match". Many of these sites will match you up in ways which are comfortable and familiar. For example, if members only want to be matched with people of a certain age, non-smokers, political philosophy, race, religion or even a similar hobby, it can easily be done.

This is simply one of many steps that begin the process of identifying and determining compatibility. Compatibility itself is more subtle than whether you and your partner have an ability to do a crossword puzzle or share an interest in downhill skiing.

Compatibility is about both differences and similarities, that when combined, they generate enough interest and comfort to create more than just a passing attraction to each other. Granted, being compatible means you have shared goals and life style habits, however, it also means you both continue to admire, respect and communicate well with one another.

Perhaps even more subtly, but essential, compatibility means you feel you are positive additions to each other's lives and are not just redundant reflections of each other.

While you may have felt more passion with someone else, and may have even have had some commonalities with another that you now miss with your current partner, it is, at the end of the day all about holding the hand of the person that becomes dearer to you with each passing year.

Here's another way of looking at compatibility: This is the person you can have a disagreement with but still arrive at a solution that you both can agree to. In a nutshell, each of you adds something new (and special) to the relationship which makes you want to spend more, not less time, with one another.

There are people who can be wildly passionate in love, but who can't live happily with each other. They can make each other too jealous, they're unfaithful, all arguments turn toxic or unsolvable arguments keep surfacing. Passion and love are different, but not opposed to compatibility. When they exist in tumultuous opposition to trust and peaceful affection in the household, unfortunately they work against, not for, happiness.

I created the Duet® Compatibility Profile to help two people find each other for long-term compatibility. While I couldn't list all the personality components required to be taken into consideration, I did take many of the most important ones to help Perfectmatch.com members think about how they do more than co-exist with someone.

I wanted to suggest there are ways of finding love where you need someone who supplements your way of being. For example, someone who helps shake up your uneventful and predictable life with some improvisation and excitement or who remains calm and measured, during unpredictable times.

The search for a life partner is exciting and fun; something you should both look back on fondly. If you look for compatibility, as well as attraction and love, you're looking for the right answers to love's challenges.

At Perfectmatch.com, our goal is to help you find a positive and productive long-term relationship based on enduring mutual interests, respect and every day contentment.



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